One way to show my devotion to her is I often spend my Sunday morning going through pieces in Oprah.com. I especially love the website partly because the contents align with my interests and feed my spiritual curiosity. There are a whole range of journalistic articles written by published authors backed by decades of life and writing experiences. I find their stories remarkably authentic and real (or maybe because I'm generally gullible). Then, there are more academic articles written psychologists or doctors backed by years of research and study. They have credibility and more often than not, they give me a lot to reflect and think about.
Today, I read a piece called "7 Places Where Our Pain Hides" and it definitely hit some nerves of mine.
"Sometimes, I'm driving along in my car and a song from my high-school years comes on the radio: Springsteen's "Thunder Road." Just the opening few chords make me want to roll down the window and let the wind blow back my hair. It makes me able to touch my 16-year-old self, and with that collapsing of time also comes an exquisite feeling—piercing, bittersweet. I want to reach back to that girl and give her a hug. She was so clueless. She was in for a world of heartache. I am powerless to change the sorrows she went through; but still, my midlife self wants to fix her. To make it better. In that gulf between who I was then, and who I became, there is a deep and mature ache. "You have to go through all this," I want to tell her. "So that you can grow up and live a life full of wonder." All of those feelings ride the crest of Springsteen's lyrics."
Read more: http://www.oprah.com/spirit/Where-Our-Pain-Hides#ixzz2iE8wfmb6
I could relate to the author on so many levels.
Yes. I know I had been stupid and clueless.
Yes. I know I had made mistakes and I've failed.
Yes. I had been hurt and I had felt pain. Then, I swept the pain under the carpet, unwilling to talk about or share. And went on to channel my guilt, despair, anger in other means.
Yes. I had punished myself for my own wrongdoings, instead of being kind and forgiving.
And looking back, I really want to hug my younger self and tell her that, "You're doing the best that you could at that time and in that given circumstance". I may not see or understand everything the moment it happens, and I shouldn't berate myself for old mistakes.
Yes, there's nothing more I can do about what had happened in the past.
Most importantly, I am made aware that I have to go through all the heartaches. I have to make mistakes and fail so I can grow up and live a life full of wonder.
I just want to remind myself that, it's okay to not know better. It's okay be upset and feel the disappointment. It's perfectly fine to make the wrong call and stumble. Because behind every mistake, there's always a lesson.
What I want for myself is, I'm learning to be more forgiving of myself and others. I'm learning to appreciate every mistake that I make so I can be better, tougher and stronger.
Let's cheers to an end of another week, move on from this week's highs and lows and get ready for another new start tomorrow!
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