goshy, i'm so bored. i hav nothing better to do than to stuck my ass to this uncomfy chair of palmerston, typing this pointless blog, complaining how bored i am. i just wanna type something. this post wil probably be all about my awful ranting. people can skip this whole shit. yesh, u heard me right. thats what i do... complain.. complain and complain whenever i'm down or feeling pathetic.<
phhheeekkkzzzz...
for the past days of term break, i basically hadn't done anything which can be associated with "studies" or "academic" or even "useful". i slept really late every night and woke up in the afternoon. where the hell is discipline? i have no idea. that is me, i guess. i hav been leading this kinda lifestyle since i was ... i would say ... 13? can't remember actually.
i finished a few tv series which include Prison Break (totally love it), The simple life (too hella funny but pointless), The L word (got me interested in bisexuality/lesbianism), Gokusen 2(picked up some random japanese words), Whose Line is it anyway (laughed the hell outta me) and Little Brittain (tried to acquire the exotic british accent but failed badly). oh well, i guess my computer has been my best companion so far besides my bed.
besides, i kept on checking my myspace profile, darkstarlings account, my blog etc. its like i refresh the page every 15 mins. hoping that i can get new comments that fast. you know what? i don't. i'm just wasting the internet quota. oh yea, internet in palmerston is fucked up. i can't open my Trinity Portal page, Yahoo mail, Hotmail or my back online accounts. what if i'm in a multi-billion business that i need to transfer my money so i can make like a huge profit? mister bruce, u r gonna be responsible for that right? grrrr....thats really shitty. internet is like so cheap? strictly speaking, internet is like you can use it for as long as u want, however u want. but its different here, these idiots set us quota for internet usage. how stupid is that? everyone is using unlimited broadband now. HELLO?~ what the hell is 2GB??? whenever i bring up the topic about internet, he will start accusing me about downloading too much. download? fuck u. if i download, i can finish 2GB in a day juz like tat. RIDICULUOS!!!!!!
most of my frens in malaysia are preparing/having exams or they are pretty busy with their lives as well as studies, so i don't get to chat much in msn. besides, i got bored flirting with guys from other parts of the world who are million miles away. sometimes it does get really annoying too. therefore, i seldom on my msn nowadays. dayem, i sound pathetic. i know.
i tend to think that many people dislike me. i am weird and moody. i have mood swings too often which i definitely don't give a fuck about it. i'm way too sensitive about things. i find it hard for me to live with people. i don't like to social. i hate myself for that. i don't like talking to strangers because i have no confidence and self-esteem. i will start to stutter and ended up creating confusions to the person who's listening. i will be nervous when i talk to people and i will find it extremely hard to put words into correct sentences in my head before i can deliver them fluently. i hate myself. i do. i hate myself for being so fat and ugly. i hate myself for being so stupid. i hate myself for fucking up in time management. i hate myself for being anti-social. i hate myself for always craving for more in doing everything. i can never feel contended with what i have and what i do. i hate myself for having so many negative thoughts. i want to be someone else but me. i think too much. i just don't learn to let go and relax.
i trapped myself in my room for god knows how many days except weekends. i wanted to go out. i wanted to go to the city and walk around, checking out cds, clothes, and books. i wanted to go to the Picasso art gallery. i wanted to watch movies. i wanted to travel to interesting places. i wanted to try out bizarre food places. however, those are all empty thoughts. i didn't even make the effort to fulfill these wee dreams let alone being a successful person who chase after one's dream and ideal future. i am a loser.
i want my trinity year to end so i can go back to malaysia and travel to other countries for vacations. however, i cant bear to face the fact that i will not be able to achieve good results in order to enter courses in melbourne uni nex year. i know what i am facing now are just a very small part of the challenges laying ahead of me but i'm tempted to take the easy way out. hope that good things will just happen without any effort. i always hope for miracles which can never happen to me.
*BIG SIGH*
- my EAP oral presentation, i have to argue if we should legalize single-sex marriage. well, i don't know. my instinct told me that the answer is definitely YES. i have to think about my draft so i can hand in when classes start next week. gosh, that SARA bitch (my teacher), she's crazy.. i think she needs to see a psychologist... A.S.A.P! before more and more people's lives being ruined by her.
- as for my M&C essay, i'm doing the topic about the marketing and branding of the Body Shop. i'm stil in the stage of doing the research. i got abit distracted when some one told me that my lecturer in charged a.k.a. bloody asshole a.k.a. Mr. Ron is very strict in giving marks. those marks he gave ranged from 14%-18%. if i get a 14%, my future is pretty much ruined. thank you very much, Mr. bias-gay-crazy-lunatic-moody-stingy.
- as for my Othello, i read 10% of the book. it took me alot of time. i find it hard to understand. maybe my english is just too sucky that i should jump off from my room window. lol. *cough cough* my room in on ground floor. anyway, i'll try. well, i have to finish it before term start or else Alexandra will drive me up the wall. oh fuck, gonna get my literature essay back. not good not good. i think i pretty much fucked up the essay since on it's a last minute piece of work and i didn't send in my plan this time. off topic is very possible for me.
- trying to read my psychology lecture notes so i can prepare for my final exams. i do enjoy reading psychology but .. bleh...i don't know. gonna get my essay back nex week. DAYEM!
- MATHS. oh oh oh...my dear old friend. i have nothing to say about maths. i guess i'll just put as "i don't fucking care because i'm sucked in it. BIG TIME". all i can see when i do maths was all these formulas and numbers dancing before of me as if they are celebrating about the stupidity of Chow Ai Ming. so... yeah. i think i saw fireworks as well.
CONCLUSION!! my term break was EMPTY. nothing goes according to plan. oh well, i just not that kinda person who follo the rules. not that i'm a rebel.. just that i'm too lazy.
BLAH BLAH BLAH... all of above are just due to my premenstrual syndrome(PMS). can't help it... i have alot of shits to express.. so i can feel better. i hate this time of the month, i get frustrated and pissed very easily which too affects people around me. i hope people who know me who managed to finish reading my whole post, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE stay away from me during this period of time. do come near me at your own risk. u don't know what you will get right in your face. thank u very much.
wow, this post is really wordy. hmm...
THE END
PS: definitone of premenstrual syndrome (PMS) is a varied group of physical and psychological symptoms, including abdominal bloating, breast tenderness, headache, fatigue, irritability, anxiety, and depression, that occur from 2 to 7 days before the onset of menstruation and cease shortly after menses begins.
a pretty picture to end my post:
*drools* woopz, its for academic purposes. it's for my EAP.hello~ does it ring a bell? single-sex marriage? goodieWORD COUT: 1449 words. wow =P
